It’s 3:00 AM and I’m wide
awake. All that separates us from change
is one day. Our last day as a family of
three. Today, I am a mother of one. Tomorrow a new chapter begins. That in itself is met with mixed emotions,
sadness, anticipation, excitement. There
is something special, something simple about having only one child and I have
tried to cherish that over the past few months.
I have thought about this day a lot and what it will be like, knowing,
that it is our last day together, Ben and I, before life changes once
again. Today I am going to abandon my daily
tasks and get down on the floor (if I physically can) and watch Ben play, soak
him up, breath him in, let him eat doughnuts and chocolate milk for lunch. I’m going to enjoy him, appreciate him, spoil
him and marvel at how far he’s come.
I know technically, I’m
already a mother of two but this baby is still invisible in many ways to
me. I've been her mother since cells began
to divide back in August but she is still within, a little mystery tucked away. I can feel her and my stomach
has grown to the size of a large watermelon but until I see her, hold her,
touch her, she is still somewhat out of reach.
When I think about this baby, about finally meeting this little being, I
am ready. I am ready to fall in love,
intensely, fiercely, instantly. When I
think about how much love I felt for Ben the moment he was born, it’s almost
too much to handle. I can’t wait to feel
that again for this baby. I can’t wait
to lay eyes on her for the first time. I
can’t wait to find out for certain that she is a girl. I can’t wait to hold her with Boris at my
side and pick out which features are his and which are mine. I can’t wait to watch as this new personality
unfolds into our lives. Today this baby
is still unknown, a little stranger moving around inside me. Tomorrow she’ll be real. And I can’t wait...
