Yesterday, Ben and I went
for lunch to a good friend’s house. Since
the beginning of my pregnancy, we haven’t done much visiting so it was a nice
treat for both of us. I spent my first
trimester on the couch, tired and sick.
Scared too, because of the complications and uncertainties I faced early
on. It was easier to sleep fall away, somehow
convinced it was safer, that everything would be all right, if I just stayed at
home. My second trimester was busy
between Jenny’s wedding, Christmas and Ben’s Birthday. And so far, I’ve spent the last trimester
resting, getting ready for this baby and soaking in the time I have left alone
with Ben.
Yesterday, my friend and I sat
and talked as our three children played, screamed, fought and laughed. Chaos.
Beautiful chaos. I often marvel,
in these situations, how several years ago all these little beings that we’ve
created didn’t exist. They were hopes
and wishes that we dreamt about as we sat around the table as adults, eating and
drinking in the peace and quiet of our much tidier homes. I know that one day, soon enough, we will
have that back. Because children are
only small for so long. Because time is fleeting
and passes quickly. Before long, we’ll
be sitting in silence once again, talking without interruption, without having
to get up from the table numerous times during a meal. We will talk about our teenage, and then
adult children and their accomplishments.
So for now, I’ll take
the chaos, someone tugging on my hand saying, “play, play” because I can’t bear
the thought of my children growing up. There
will come a time when they’ve learned all the lessons they need from us. They will venture out onto their own and
build a future on the foundation we have lovingly laid for them.
Yesterday, there wasn’t
enough time to even scratch the surface, there never is. I didn’t get to say all I needed to say, but it
was way past naptime and for now, our children, still so innocent and small,
come first.
