Five years ago, I lost
someone I never had a chance to meet.
And honestly, it was one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my
life. Coming so close to the one thing I
had always longed for, only to have it taken away. It’s ironic that someone posted this song on
facebook almost five years to the day I found out our baby did not have a
heartbeat at our first ultrasound. I am
sharing my journey because miscarriages are so common yet it’s something we
rarely talk about. Why is that? Are we ashamed? Are we scared? The truth is most of the women I know who
have children have also suffered a miscarriage at some point. I have actually lost more babies than I have
given birth to. In addition to the loss
I had before Ben, I had a chemical pregnancy between Ben and Kate (a
miscarriage before the fifth week of gestation). And my pregnancy with Kate began as a twin
pregnancy. At seven weeks, I had some
complications and an ultrasound confirmed two fetuses’, one with a heartbeat
and one without. My body eventually
absorbed the fetal tissue and thankfully, Kate continued to thrive and she is
here with us today (this is known as vanishing twin syndrome).
I’m posting this song today for
everyone who has had a miscarriage or lost a baby. I’m also posting it for Kate. I hope she never has to experience this type
of loss but if she does, I want her to know that it’s common and that she will
get through it. Right now, this blog is
mostly for my friends and family. But ultimately,
it is for my children. Memories and
stories and pictures and incites for them to look back on once they are grown.
I truly believe that we get
whom we are meant to have in our lives.
Ben and Kate are here, at least partially, because others are not. But they are ours and they are here with us for
a reason. When I wake up in the morning
and see their smiling faces, I know this is the life and these are the people
who were meant for me.
Small Bump by Ed Sheeran
9/52
9/52
