Mix Tape - Last Song

Just lovely and eerie and sad...

Last Song by Clogs
19/52

Mix Tape - New Summer

Sometimes you here something beautiful playing on the radio and it makes your day.  This is one of those songs...

New Summer by Young Galaxy
18/52

Mix Tape - Ho Hey

On repeat.  All morning long...

Ho Hey by The Lumineers
17/52

Mix Tape - I'm Alive (Life Sounds Like)

Ben and Kate love dancing to this song in the car.

I'm Alive (Life Sounds Like) by Michael Franti & Spearhead
16/52

Mix Tape - Casimir Pulaski Day

Sad and beautiful and hands down one of my favourite Sufjan Stevens' songs.

Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens
15/52

Mix Tape - You and Me

A few weeks ago, we spent Sunday at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival.  I always love discovering new musicians...

You and Me by Sara Watkins
13/52

Mix Tape - Famous Blue Raincoat

This morning I was driving down the highway, the rain was pouring down hard and I was feeling regretful that I had left the house when this song came on the radio and instantly, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. 

Famous Blue Raincoat by Tori Amos
12/52

Mix Tape - Riverside

I haven't been able to get this beautiful song out of my head all week...

Riverside by Agnes Obel
11/52

Mix Tape - Bom Bom

Whenever the latest Joe Fresh commercial plays on TV Kate stops whatever she's doing and bounces up and down to this song.  It's super cute!

Bom Bom by Sam and the Womp
10/52

Mix Tape - Small Bump

Five years ago, I lost someone I never had a chance to meet.  And honestly, it was one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life.  Coming so close to the one thing I had always longed for, only to have it taken away.  It’s ironic that someone posted this song on facebook almost five years to the day I found out our baby did not have a heartbeat at our first ultrasound.  I am sharing my journey because miscarriages are so common yet it’s something we rarely talk about.  Why is that?  Are we ashamed?  Are we scared?  The truth is most of the women I know who have children have also suffered a miscarriage at some point.  I have actually lost more babies than I have given birth to.  In addition to the loss I had before Ben, I had a chemical pregnancy between Ben and Kate (a miscarriage before the fifth week of gestation).  And my pregnancy with Kate began as a twin pregnancy.  At seven weeks, I had some complications and an ultrasound confirmed two fetuses’, one with a heartbeat and one without.  My body eventually absorbed the fetal tissue and thankfully, Kate continued to thrive and she is here with us today (this is known as vanishing twin syndrome). 

I’m posting this song today for everyone who has had a miscarriage or lost a baby. I’m also posting it for Kate.  I hope she never has to experience this type of loss but if she does, I want her to know that it’s common and that she will get through it.  Right now, this blog is mostly for my friends and family.  But ultimately, it is for my children.  Memories and stories and pictures and incites for them to look back on once they are grown.

I truly believe that we get whom we are meant to have in our lives.  Ben and Kate are here, at least partially, because others are not.  But they are ours and they are here with us for a reason.  When I wake up in the morning and see their smiling faces, I know this is the life and these are the people who were meant for me.

Small Bump by Ed Sheeran
9/52

Mix Tape - The Perfect Space

I love every song on the album I and Love and You but right now, this is my favorite.  Boris and I always listen to this album when we're driving to the mountains...and since I'm craving a get away right now I thought this song would be appropriate.

The Perfect Space by The Avett Brothers
8/52

Mix Tape - Foreground

My sister posted this song on facebook awhile back.  I'm kind of in love...

Foreground by Grizzly Bear
7/52

Mix Tape - The Space Between

This song takes me back to the spring of 2001...

The Space Between by Dave Matthews Band
6/52

Mix Tape - Brotherhood of Man & Into Brooklyn, Early in the Morning

Two of my favorite songs from the album We Walked in Song.

Brotherhood of Man & Into Brooklyn, Early in the Morning by The Innocence Mission
4 & 5/52

Mix Tape - What Would I Do Without You

This song played at the end of a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother and has been on repeat ever since...

What Would I Do Without You by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
3/52

Mix Tape - The Luckiest

This was the song Boris and I chose for our first dance over seven years ago.  It still makes me smile (and so does he)...

The Luckiest by Ben Folds
2/52 

Mix Tape - A Girl, a Boy and a Graveyard

It's sullen and grey out this morning...perfect for this haunting, beautiful song.

A Girl, a Boy and a Graveyard by Jeremy Messersmith
1/52 

Music

This morning, while I was retouching some images, I came across this song and it instantly brought me back to the first few weeks of Ben’s life.  The movie One Week was on TV almost every day and I must have watched it four or five times while breastfeeding Ben.  The Great Escape plays in one of the last scenes in the movie and to this day whenever I hear it, I think of myself, standing at the front window, holding my newborn son, watching the snow fall lightly, waiting for Boris to come home.  If I close my eyes while it plays, I can still feel Ben’s weightlessness in my arms.  I can still see those curious, worried eyes looking back at mine.  I can still smell his newborn smell.  I am transported to one of the most beautiful and amazing times in my life.  

Sometimes it’s the lyrics that draw you into a song and other times, like this morning, it’s the feeling the song evokes.  I love being able to go back to some of the most remarkable moments in my life just by pushing play on my iPod.  Music is really quite powerful when you think about it.  In an instant, you can be transported back to a moment, a person, a feeling, a memory...